Is my skin comfortable?
It just feels safe as illusions
Is my skin comfortable?
It just feels safe as illusions
Not afraid of steps down to the river. I walked firmly.
Scared a bit of the creatures in the forest I passed through the grass and the rocks.
Wondered if myself and I should be there at all, how much mess of perfection can fit me into such a place.
And then there was nature.
Took a deep breath and almost choke in the first try, how pure can the air be for me to breathe?
Tried again to surrender my breathing to the moment, closed my eyes and took another deep breath until I got dizzy; what a delightful moment.
Here it is, by the touch of my fingers, nature has welcomed me, seems almost like I was supposed to be here, or more like, as if I never left.
Belonging to the absolute is nothing but the only truth.
Always felt I never belong to anywhere now I know I belong everywhere.
Nature did not give me roots, therefore I am not a tree. I shall move freely floating in my feet like a bubble in the sky letting the flow carries it away.
No destination is desire but the self destination to oneself.
And there I was being all and nothing feeling it all and feeling nothing to finally comprehend I am all that I am and nothing more I need to become.
May my steps lead me further than my thoughts, may my unspoken words shout out louder than my silent scream.
No memory of what’s gone should ever come back to persuade me to look back to that is no longer real.
Should all worry wash away from my eyes as I cry out my fears?
Oh nature, mother of all, embrace this your child who surrenders to your perfection.
What would happen if today you take a step back and look at yourself in the mirror, not to find new wrinkles in your face, not to squeeze a spot out, not to blame yourself for the things you have done “wrong”, not to feel miserable about your existence, not to find defects in your anatomy facial structure, or to wonder if you would have done this or that, or brush your teeth and make sure you dont have any toothpaste left in your face, because looking at yourself hurst too much.
What would happen if, for one day, you wouldn’t criticize yourself so harsh?
If only for one day, you could feel good to be you, the real you! not that character you have built throughout the years hoping to feet everyone’s needs and expectation, while you are expecting to be loved and appreciated for it without success until today.
What would happen if you can look in the mirror, completely naked and love what you see? Without the imaginary image of perfection, the fashion industry sold us. Just look at you. Observe every inch of you, with no judgment, with no regrets, with no what-ifs, with no hate, with no remorse, with no blame, just the same way you’d look a flower in the desert, like you’d see a fresh spring of cold water when you are thirsty, the same way you’d look a fancy car of your preference, the same way you’d look someone else you perceive is better than you.
If for one day only, you were just to feel good about yourself, deleting everything you ever heard and perceived about whom you are from your mother, your father, your siblings, your family, your friends, your partner, your teacher or ex or even society and religion. Delete it all and again, look at yourself. Can you do that for just 5 minutes? Without letting any other thought cross your mind, and if they do, just go back and just look at yourself, once again.
What would happen if you confront that person in the mirror? Just accepting what you see there. Just take a deep breath, then another one. Now one more breath until you stop being anxious. I know it’s hard to see beyond prejudices of oneself. Almost impossible, but not impossible at all.
Look at you, feeling shy at your own self as if you are embarrassed by your own self. DON’T.
Feeling guilty of your actions? DON’T
Feeling ashamed of what you’ve become? DON’T
You wish things were different? DON’T
For one day, remember, you are exactly where you decided to be right now, right here, and it couldn’t have been different.
But again, look at yourself and find that child that’s hidden and frighten, scared to come out, who’s been hurt and mistreated, unappreciated, unwanted, unwelcome, betrayed, used and abused, ignored, unloved.
What would happen if you can hold that little girl or boy and tell him, I love you, I will take care of you, you don’t need to be afraid anymore. No one else will ever hurt you because I won’t allow it because now I am here, and I will protect you.
If you do this, for a whole 24 hours?
What would happen?
If you just stop, breath and rescue yourself.
“I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself.”
― Charlotte Brontë,
How I’ve divided my own for the trues I never said.
How I’ve multiplied my sorrows for the lies I never muted.
I’ve loved him
He did love me
I can never know if he did
Today is the day when I confess I lied
I lied when I said I loved you
I lied when I promised the future that I never knew
I lied when I laid in your arms and promised you, my love.
Oh how much I lied.
Even when your body came into mine, I lied.
When your tongue caressed mine and mine felt it all, I lied.
Nothing was ever so intimate and unrepeatable, it was all a lie.
Non a kiss you gave I felt what I said I did.
Not your touches melt me the way I said they did.
I lied to you, yesterday I did.
Set you free, yes I did.
That lie will always be.
The one lie that set you free.